While we only officially dated for a few months, the sexual attraction was intense. We were still sleeping with each other as late as 2013. I eventually just assumed that I would simply always love her, even if she no longer wanted to actually be with me, and sometimes I would feel like a failure as a man because I was never able to make her happy enough to change her mind.
During my most depressive and challenging times, I would even cry about it all. While, in some ways, I desperately wanted to forever close the door, my love for her and the lamentation of a life I may have had, wouldn't let me. I suppose it was there for a reason, or maybe I just needed to grow more.
Being with her was also an honor in the sense of the human timeline. The reason I met her is because my ancestors came over here to America hundreds of years ago and met the Natives. You never think you're part of history, but you are.
This, however, did not mean at all that I didn't love my wife. So many people wrongfully assume that love is finite. It is not. It's as plural as anything else. But unfortunately today, we are raised in a world that teaches us to hate that part of our humanity, although they don't do so with any other kind of love. We're told we can love all of our friends and family equally, but only one romantic partner is legitimate. The absurdity of that should be obvious.
But after I had the first total mental and emotional breakdown of my life back in May, it enabled me to close the door, because it was a huge wake up call to the things that are really important and valuable in my life. Not a long lost lover who is never coming back, but my wife and child who love me dearly and will never leave. Sometimes rock bottom puts things into clear perspective.
I can say I no longer have feelings for her, and that I have moved passed. I'm actually really glad that it's done. I feel free of a heavy burden that's been chained to me for years. It shows that, no matter how hard it may be, you can get over it.
In the Goodness of the Gods, I'll see you at the next Herm down the road,
Chris Aldridge.