Self-Awareness Is Crucial To A Relationship

On November 4th, I will be 40 years old. From my own relationships with many women throughout the years, and watching the successful and failed relationships of others, along with my lifelong study of sexology, I know that self-awareness can make or break a union with someone. 

While we often hear of someone placing unrealistic expectations on their partners, we rarely think of the fact that the person could also be placing the same lack of realism upon themselves as well, and most of that unrealistic expectation comes from lying to ourselves and others about what we really want sexually and intimately, either because we feel pressured by social norms, the opinions of others, and/or we fear the reaction of our significant other because they too may be under the same ailments.

One of the top reasons for breakups and divorces is infidelity. In laymen's terms, cheating, having sex with someone other than your partner. I've said in the past that cheating is the result of polyamorous people pretending to be monogamous. Otherwise, why would someone cheat in general? The self-awareness comes in when we are honest about our sexuality and sexual desires. Love without trust is no love at all.

Far too many people proclaim themselves to only want one person because of societal pressure and expectations, or because they believe that's what their partner expects of them, even though their partner could be lying to themselves as well. Most humans do not have monogamous attraction. Throughout your life, you will be attracted to numerous people. Pretending otherwise in a relationship, and thus, trying to be something we're not, is going to set the relationship up for failure or at least ongoing issues of jealousy, bitterness and distrust. 

Far too often, we build relationships on inauthenticity. It is much better to find a partner who is also polyamorous, or who at least isn't going to blow their top over the simple fact that you find other people attractive. I know some people who consider it cheating because their partner liked someone else's Facebook picture, or watched a porn video. This level of human oppression is not only unnatural, it's insane, and it shows the level of indoctrination that institutionalized monogamy has placed upon humanity. Watching porn is no more cheating than watching a fight is domestic violence. But that's how much we have been subconsciously conditioned to hate human sexuality and ourselves.

Not only do we overcome these oppressions, jealousies, insecurities and anxieties by accepting the truth of our human nature, but by realizing that love is not finite. It is very much plural. Just because your significant other finds someone else attractive, or even loves someone else, does not lessen their love and devotion to you. You will always have multiple people and things in your life that you love, but the fact of plurality does not lessen the love you have for any single one of them.

If you're truly monogamous and that's what you want, then fine. But few people are, and when you enter into a relationship with that unrealistic expectation on both your parts, you're setting the relationship up for turmoil if not termination. Often people fear truth because they fear change. The last thing we want to do is become something different than we have been our whole lives, especially if we have been mentally and emotionally conditioned to it. But it is better to let someone go and find a genuine relationship, than to create an unhappy situation for the both of you. 

Self-awareness in this discussion is asking yourself the simple question: Do I really only have a desire for one person, and will I be happy watching everyone else pass me by?

In the Goodness of the Gods,

I'll see you at the next Herm down the road,

Chris Aldridge.

Love and Lust Are Equally Beautiful

When the universe came into existence, Eros was among the first to be born, which means that life and beauty came from both love and eroticism, for He is the God of both love and lust. People today act as though lust is something to be avoided and reviled, unvirtuous at best, but that's just our brainwashed minds talking, repeating the modernized social norms, mainly derived from Abrahamic cultures, to make us feel ashamed of our humanity. 

Love and lust are both equally valid and wonderful, and one can be found powerfully in the other. Diverse pleasure is the human experience. It allows you to accept everything as it is, and people as they are, without ruining your relationships or experiences.

For starters, no lifelong love begins with love. Most of the time, no one says I love you on the first date. It all begins with a lust. The person turned you on, caught your eye, struck your interest. Maybe you even had sex on the first encounter, and that's wonderful. When you receive someone to share intimacy with, it's a gift from Aphrodite, as well as Eros, and you should enjoy it. 

I know I have certainly had such experiences in the past. I have even been with women who I only had sex with once, which means it was lustful, and yet, I still care for them even to this day. Because you share something special with the person(s), and in your mind and heart, that will always mean something. In fact, throughout my younger life, I ignored several opportunities to have that pleasure with people, and I later had to work through the regret. You'll always regret the things you don't do. Take it from someone who knows, don't pass it up. 

Within lust, one can as well find that they love something or someone. Equally, within love there can be lots of lust. I dearly love my wife, but I still have the carnal desire for all that she is, which would be called lust. I love her body, her kiss, and her touch, and also notable, the lust drives the passion that has never died for the entire 15 years we have been together.

These are all powerful and important forms of sexuality and human interaction; sometimes one even hinges on the other. Somethings are meant to turn into lifelong love, and others are meant for pleasure's sake, for the benefit of friendship and attraction, and both of these can bring equal amounts of joy, beauty and support into your life. 

Life was, is, and always will be multifaceted. An individual is not meant to be just one thing, or experience one event, throughout their entire life. The opportunity to take part in all that life has to offer is not meant to be feared. We are meant to live fully. The Gods did not give us life, and send people and things into our lives, for no reason at all. We are meant to enjoy and find pleasure in all of that, to learn and grow, and define all that is part of our lives.

That is, if you accept that both love and lust are valuable. If you abandon one another just because of the kind of attraction and connection you have, you'll always lose all the benefits of that relationship. If you are of the mind that you should resent your humanity, you must first change that mindset, and realize that your humanity is blessed, not damned.

In the Goodness of the Gods,

I'll see you at the next Herm down the road,

Chris Aldridge.

Was I The Last Man She Kissed?

In 2018, I moved to South Beloit, Illinois, and I met a girl there about my age, by the name of Michelle. I cannot recall exactly how we met, but I can surmise that we had similar interests through things like religion and philosophy, and found one another through social media. I admit that I was sexually attracted to her, but at first it was just a friendship ordeal, which I had no problem with.

The more we talked, the more we liked each other, and one day we decided to meet for lunch. It was one of those things that was a date, but also was not, if that makes sense. We were there to have fun with each other, yet there were no romantic titles or intentions. But in any case, I was delighted to just spend the day with a beautiful girl who was my friend.

The more time we spent together, however, the closer our lips got until we kissed. So it was one of those beautiful things that people write about in poems and love stories. It didn't seem like it would go any further than just an affectionate friendship at most, but nevertheless, I could only find enjoyment in her presence. But I would have never imagined in a million years that it would be the last time I'd ever see her, because she suddenly died later that year. As far as I know, she didn't have any other male friends of the romantic type, so it's possible that I was the last man she ever kissed.

In fact, her death happened so suddenly that I didn't even have time to make preparations to attend the funeral, which I still brood over to this day when I think about it. It was one of those experiences that blows you away, leaving you in shock and disbelief, sometimes even for months or years to come. Whenever I am passing through South Beloit these days, I still drive by the restaurant where we spent our last day together, and simply look at it, not as a painful memory, but as a testament to a truth that I will now explain.

I tell this story sometimes in my speeches on life and living without regrets, because every single day I see people all around me that are letting the clock tick by. They're so consumed by social norms, personal fear, or the delusion that they have plenty of time. Each day is a countdown, every second that goes by, you can never get back. I can still close my eyes and feel her kiss, and it's no longer a romantic feeling, but a wakeup call, that every day is a gift. 

The Gods gave you life for a reason, and the common sense to not waste it. One day Death will come for you. One day Charon will extend his hand for your coin, and it'll be too late. No amount of crying or pleading will turn back the clock. You're not meant to live in fear, you're not meant to micromanage life, and you don't have plenty of time; you're meant to live and live now. 

In the Goodness of the Gods,

I'll see you at the next Herm down the road,

Chris Aldridge.

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