Self-Awareness Is Crucial To A Relationship

On November 4th, I will be 40 years old. From my own relationships with many women throughout the years, and watching the successful and failed relationships of others, along with my lifelong study of sexology, I know that self-awareness can make or break a union with someone. 

While we often hear of someone placing unrealistic expectations on their partners, we rarely think of the fact that the person could also be placing the same lack of realism upon themselves as well, and most of that unrealistic expectation comes from lying to ourselves and others about what we really want sexually and intimately, either because we feel pressured by social norms, the opinions of others, and/or we fear the reaction of our significant other because they too may be under the same ailments.

One of the top reasons for breakups and divorces is infidelity. In laymen's terms, cheating, having sex with someone other than your partner. I've said in the past that cheating is the result of polyamorous people pretending to be monogamous. Otherwise, why would someone cheat in general? The self-awareness comes in when we are honest about our sexuality and sexual desires. Love without trust is no love at all.

Far too many people proclaim themselves to only want one person because of societal pressure and expectations, or because they believe that's what their partner expects of them, even though their partner could be lying to themselves as well. Most humans do not have monogamous attraction. Throughout your life, you will be attracted to numerous people. Pretending otherwise in a relationship, and thus, trying to be something we're not, is going to set the relationship up for failure or at least ongoing issues of jealousy, bitterness and distrust. 

Far too often, we build relationships on inauthenticity. It is much better to find a partner who is also polyamorous, or who at least isn't going to blow their top over the simple fact that you find other people attractive. I know some people who consider it cheating because their partner liked someone else's Facebook picture, or watched a porn video. This level of human oppression is not only unnatural, it's insane, and it shows the level of indoctrination that institutionalized monogamy has placed upon humanity. Watching porn is no more cheating than watching a fight is domestic violence. But that's how much we have been subconsciously conditioned to hate human sexuality and ourselves.

Not only do we overcome these oppressions, jealousies, insecurities and anxieties by accepting the truth of our human nature, but by realizing that love is not finite. It is very much plural. Just because your significant other finds someone else attractive, or even loves someone else, does not lessen their love and devotion to you. You will always have multiple people and things in your life that you love, but the fact of plurality does not lessen the love you have for any single one of them.

If you're truly monogamous and that's what you want, then fine. But few people are, and when you enter into a relationship with that unrealistic expectation on both your parts, you're setting the relationship up for turmoil if not termination. Often people fear truth because they fear change. The last thing we want to do is become something different than we have been our whole lives, especially if we have been mentally and emotionally conditioned to it. But it is better to let someone go and find a genuine relationship, than to create an unhappy situation for the both of you. 

Self-awareness in this discussion is asking yourself the simple question: Do I really only have a desire for one person, and will I be happy watching everyone else pass me by?

In the Goodness of the Gods,

I'll see you at the next Herm down the road,

Chris Aldridge.

When Old Love Finally Closes

While I graduated from Columbia College of Missouri, most of my education took place in my home State of North Carolina, and in 2007, during my first year in higher education at the local community college, I met a Cherokee girl, and I was out of my mind in love with her. 

While we only officially dated for a few months, the sexual attraction was intense. We were still sleeping with each other as late as 2013. I eventually just assumed that I would simply always love her, even if she no longer wanted to actually be with me, and sometimes I would feel like a failure as a man because I was never able to make her happy enough to change her mind.

During my most depressive and challenging times, I would even cry about it all. While, in some ways, I desperately wanted to forever close the door, my love for her and the lamentation of a life I may have had, wouldn't let me. I suppose it was there for a reason, or maybe I just needed to grow more.

Being with her was also an honor in the sense of the human timeline. The reason I met her is because my ancestors came over here to America hundreds of years ago and met the Natives. You never think you're part of history, but you are. 

This, however, did not mean at all that I didn't love my wife. So many people wrongfully assume that love is finite. It is not. It's as plural as anything else. But unfortunately today, we are raised in a world that teaches us to hate that part of our humanity, although they don't do so with any other kind of love. We're told we can love all of our friends and family equally, but only one romantic partner is legitimate. The absurdity of that should be obvious.

But after I had the first total mental and emotional breakdown of my life back in May, it enabled me to close the door, because it was a huge wake up call to the things that are really important and valuable in my life. Not a long lost lover who is never coming back, but my wife and child who love me dearly and will never leave. Sometimes rock bottom puts things into clear perspective. 

I can say I no longer have feelings for her, and that I have moved passed. I'm actually really glad that it's done. I feel free of a heavy burden that's been chained to me for years. It shows that, no matter how hard it may be, you can get over it.

In the Goodness of the Gods, I'll see you at the next Herm down the road,

Chris Aldridge.

Why The Gods Definitely Have Biological Genders

I've heard people and groups in the past say that the Gods do not have genders, or that they are "genderless." I'm not here today to say that they don't have the right to their beliefs, or that they are somehow "evil," I am simply saying that I disagree, and in this post, I am going to make my case.

The first obviousness of the claim should be readily seen. To say, for example, that Hera (the Supreme Goddess, Mother of the galaxy and Goddess of women themselves) is not female, is absurd - illogical at best. The entire reason we have the words God and Goddess is to make a distinction between male and female. But let's go deeper.

I have found that the belief in genderless Gods mainly stems from the belief that gender is a social construct. But this is not a universally accurate statement.

Gender roles can be a social construct, but biological sex is not. No one gives you that except for nature, and nature is of the Gods, and therefore, defining sex comes from the Gods, not just for humans, but mostly every living thing on the planet. Male and female exist abundantly in the universe, everywhere around us, and also in the Gods as logic would therefore dictate. 

Even if you change your sex, you are still defined by that new sex, otherwise why feel the need to change it to better define yourself? And while it's true that we can possess traits from both sexes, we will still have a central manifestation. Sex is a defining characteristic of who someone is.

The gender roles of human society are not what determine the genders or sexes of the Gods in any case. Often, a God or Goddess did not choose a realm because of their gender. Athena isn't the Patron of Athens because She's female, but because She won it. Poseidon isn't the God of the sea because He's male, but because He chose it. 

And sometimes, the gender roles of Greek society were the opposite of the Gods' stations. For example, men did most of the hunting, yet Artemis is the hunting and wilderness Deity mainly. Yes, She can have a counterpart (Her brother Apollon) but that even more so proves that the Gods have genders, otherwise why is there a distinct male and female here? If gender didn't matter, why the need for the recognition of two opposites? 

Furthermore, the Sex Goddess is female even though men were the dominant sex. The Deity of agriculture is female even though men did most of the field work. It could go on with examples. In a society dominated by men, you would think that the highest stations would go to Gods if gender roles made the determination. But they don't, because Gods are not created by humans. The Gods simply are.

Even if we go back to the gender roles of Greek society alone, we cannot logically argue that those were the only manifestations of biological sex. The Greeks even had certain festivals and religious functions only for women because they were directly tied to being female and not male.

I think the insistence on genderless Gods is really a social construct in and of itself, that desires to remold the Gods to conform with modern social mindsets, but what we have to realize is that such a thing is not necessary, nor do we as humans have any right to redefine a God. 

In the Goodness of the Gods, I'll see you at the next Herm down the road,

Chris Aldridge.

Humans Did Not Create Gods, and Here's How You Know

One of the most common arguments, even from some philosophers as far back as ancient times, is that humans created the Gods of their cultures. It's basically an argument that attempts to invalidate the Gods themselves. Now certainly, I'm not saying that there were never any myths ascribed to the Gods that came, at least in part, from human understanding. But it's not true that the Gods are creations of humans. The Gods are real, and I will tell you why.

Let us think about it logically, or perhaps, in a way that most people never have before. And for this, let's of course refer to ancient Greek times, since that's where my religious and spiritual focus resides in life. In ancient Athens, a City ruled by men, a Goddess was the Patron. In a culture where men did most of the hunting, Artemis was the main Hunting Deity. In a society where sex was primarily ruled by men, a female Deity (Aphrodite), was the presiding Divinity. So the question begs, if humans create Gods, why were all of these Gods not male instead of female? Shouldn't a society ruled by men create male Gods to be their leaders?

The simple answer is that humans do not create Gods. Athena, Artemis and Aphrodite, for example, are who they are, regardless of the society we create, or the preferences we may have as human beings. When Athena claimed Athens, it did not matter which humans ruled it, or how the society was structured. She overruled them all. The same for Artemis and Aphrodite. The wild and the love of the universe belong to them, and no mortal social structure can change that. 

As a man, I might be a good martial artist, but when I need strength, it's Athena I pray to. When I need protection for my children, Artemis is who I sacrifice to. And for the power and passion of sexuality and sexual success, Aphrodite's my counsel. Furthermore, I see no reason that this should be a threat to my masculinity. The wonderful powers and Divinities of the masculine and feminine swirl all around us, in the Heavens, upon the Earth, and in the Underworld.

In the Goodness of the Gods,

I'll see you at the next Herm down the road,

Chris Aldridge.

I Knew She Was Real That Day

I hadn't had much luck with women by that point in my life, either because they didn't like me or I was too stupid in my youth to recognize the signals (and we can only thank the oppressive social norms of modern society for that). By 2005, I had only been with two women in my life, and one I didn't even sleep with. One might could say it wasn't even an actual relationship because she was not loyal to me at all, in any way. But by that year, a change had also entered my life. I first discovered the Greek Gods as a religion. I did not know all of the Gods or even how to practice Hellenism, but I knew of and felt connections with the Olympians. Aphrodite was one of my closest (and still is).

While I hadn't had a successful romantic life, I knew Aphrodite was the Goddess not only of love but sex and beauty, and it was for the latter two attributes that I decided to pray to Her. My request was simple: make me more attractive to the opposite sex. Each time I prayed for that, I would notice women looking at me more when I was out in public. Aphrodite possibly enhanced my beauty, or perhaps I was beautiful all along and the Goddess helped people notice me more. After my connection with Aphrodite, my romantic and sexual encounters only became more frequent. In 2009, I met the love of my life who would become my wife (I am still married to her to this day). From the first day She blessed me, I knew Aphrodite was real.

Valentine's Day, the day of love, makes me think back onto those early days when the Greek Gods first showed their wonderful selves to me. I don't think Aphrodite cared that I wasn't actually a Hellenist at that time. I was Hellenic in my heart, and She cultivated that into the pious man I am today.

In the Goodness of Aphrodite,

Chris Aldridge.

Aphrodite's Stronghold Against Christianity

As the 4th Century CE rolled on, the rising Christian State, led by the power of Rome, was stopping at nothing to persecute the Polytheists out of existence. The old religion(s) under the Christian Emperor Theodosius I, had been outlawed, and in 393 CE, he finally banned even the Olympic Games of Greece. Of course, the persecution didn't begin with Theodosius and it wouldn't end with him either. But it would have appeared that the "massive state pressure" concerning the Christian State that Walter Burkert talks about in his book Greek Religion, was finally taking hold in its mission to force everyone into the new religion.

However, according to recent archaeological finds, it appears as if the worship of the Greek Gods, namely Aphrodite, set up a stronghold in Thessaloniki through the 4th Century, a region in the far north of the Greek mainland. By 306 CE, Christianity had already found its way into Thessaloniki, but there were apparently Greeks who refused it until the end. During the excavation of the metro, workers came across thousands of artifacts from the time period, most notably statues of Aphrodite, giving testament to the enduring worship of Her during this highly hostile, anti-Pagan time. Devotion to Her was as strong as the love and sexual desire itself over which She rules and gives to humanity. She was, without a doubt, one of the most hated Goddesses among the Christians, because She represented sexuality and freedom of the body. Christianity knew it could not gain control over the masses without shackling the basic human makeup. Aphrodite was a dire threat to the very core of their objective. 

These finds are not only significant because of their history, but because it seems to show that, despite what the modern Church says, not everyone willingly accepted Christianity. Some people, probably most of the population, resisted it. There would have been absolutely no other reason for Christians to make laws forcing people to give it up. So today, we should also draw an inspired spirit as we look at the remains of undying devotion to the Gods, and carry it on into tomorrow and the days and years to come as we move to restore the traditional identities of humanity. No matter how hard, hopeless or hostile things get, let us never give up our beliefs, our love, our devotion.

To read more details about this recent story, check out the website of my friend and fellow Hellenist, Baring The Aegis.

In the Goodness of the Gods,

Chris Aldridge.

Women's Day Is A Valuable Front Against Fascism

Today is International Women's Day, and March itself is Women's History Month. On the surface, we may think of it as just another time to honor the contributions and sacrifices of America's often unsung or oppressed citizens, but I think that the observance of women's rights goes far beyond that, and into all of humanity, male and female alike.

Being a woman during times of gender oppression, didn't simply encompass things like a denial of employment opportunity or property. It used to involve sheer crimes against humanity.

Ever since monotheism and namely Christianity took over the West, their establishments have always considered women to be the destruction of man and the place in which he lives. The bible is quite clear about this worldview, starting with the story of Adam and Eve. If you look deeper into the myth, you realize that it's about sex, and sexual power, in part, lying with the female. That's not to say that men don't have sexual power as well, but women hold a tremendous amount. Not only are they very successful at achieving, but they are also the nurturers of the babies. The apple is an ancient symbol of female sexuality. Eve did not tempt Adam with a fruit, but with her sexual power, and that power has been hated ever since, not only because it came from a woman, but because it's considered an "original sin." In short, sex is bad, especially if a woman comes out from under her male counterparts and lives her own life in her own power. Nothing scares a male-dominated monotheistic establishment more. 

In the United States and Europe, if a woman was not sexually conservative, and was considered promiscuous, she could be committed to a mental institution. In other words, the state literally kidnapped women who expressed their sexual power. If a woman dared to enjoy herself instead of remaining sexually oppressed, should could be locked up, and some were.  Yes, you read right. This wasn't Saudi Arabia or the Holy Roman Empire. This was the United States of America and Europe in times like the 19th Century, and although we don't have the same persecution today, women are still demonized for being sexually free in the United States. If a man loves sex, it's fine. But if a woman loves sex, she's a dirty, immoral slut. In general, our society as a whole has been immensely sexually oppressed for nearly all of its existence. Sexual freedom, while tolerated for men, is still not overtly popular or accepted. Both sexes are subjugated in this manner because the establishment knows that such oppression makes it easier to control and manipulate people. When you have your foot on the throat of someone's most basic humanity, you have them enslaved. The enslavement is also causing severe de-evolution. Instead of having people sexually educated and expressively healthy in their sexual activity, our abstinence only philosophy has utterly failed and given us more ignorance and therefore more problems like unwanted pregnancies, STDs, and cheating to such an epidemic extent that we have made reality shows out of it. 

These crimes that were inflicted upon innocent human beings have never been addressed in our culture even to this day, because our governmental leaders still don't want to support human liberation entirely, for fear of offending a large voting population or being painted as immoral or ruthless by fascist-supporting media. 

The reason Women's Day and Women's History Month is important is because there are still people today who want to bring those crimes against humanity back into our society. While we have ultimately defeated fascism at every turn over the last 242 years, the threat is always there as long as America remains free. Like a predator, it waits in the shadows, stalking and hoping for us to let our guard down. We must never turn a blind eye to it, or give it any form of home. We must always be ready and willing to drive it out of human civilization every single time.

In the Goodness of the Gods,

Chris Aldridge.

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Aphrodite ~ Her Real Character

Even as far back as ancient Greece, there were people who feared the power of Aphrodite. Of course, that's a bit misleading because the Greeks feared the powers of all Gods, not just Her. To act as though Aphrodite was the only One who sometimes caused men to cower is simply untrue. All of the Gods were both loved and feared. But love and sex were, and still are, extremely powerful forces, and when something takes possession of us, even if it's part of our natural state, we can sometimes find ourselves afraid and therefore think of it as terrible or mischievous. However, in reality, Aphrodite is not a Goddess who does bad things, no God is. She was worshiped and celebrated all over the ancient Greek world. Even though Her dominant epithets may have slightly differed from region to region, She was still the same Goddess. For example, to some, Her sphere of sexuality may have been more geared toward marital unions, while others viewed Her as present in sexual activity in general. There can be no doubt that Her realm gives life to us all. Without sexual union, humans would go extinct. We don't often think about it, especially if we have achieved great success in life, but the basic intercourse of sexuality is the reason we are even here in the first place, and therefore it's something to love and celebrate. 

Although, despite the fact that She was so widely loved and served by so many, modern authors of ancient Greek history, at times, take the liberty to portray Her as a force that the Greeks resented and preferably wanted nothing to do with, one that was dreaded most of all. But as Socrates said in the Dialogue of Theaetetus, it is not possible for a God to wish for wickedness upon mankind. It's also important to remember that there was no dogmatic belief system in ancient Athens. The Greeks were more so concerned with practice, instead of the personal beliefs of each person. Therefore, what one Athenian believed about a God, could be different than what another believes about them. Just because they write those beliefs down, no matter how famous the author, doesn't necessarily mean there's a universal consensus. In fact, it's probably a safe bet that we have lost most of the things that were written down in ancient Greece.

The ancient Greeks were certainly people who were far more sexually free and accepting of the wonderful things about sexuality than the later Christians who took over the West, and although places like ancient Athens in the Classical Period are routinely portrayed as sexist and fearful of the female, their religious devotion does not seem to coincide with that image. After all, the men dedicated the City to a Goddess (Athena), and did so in place of a male God (Poseidon). On the Acropolis, the holiest of holy places for Athens, which was a City dominated by men, there stood a shrine to Aphrodite and Her son Eros, the God of love. One of the most well known festivals held in Her honor in Athens was called Aphrodisia, and is the first festival of the Athenian new year. Her most famously known devotee from ancient times is Sappho, another female, who was elevated to the rank of the 10th Muse. And Aphrodite Herself was known to the Athenians as Heavenly, Averter of Unlawful Desire, and Common to All People.

In the book Greek Religion by Walter Burkert, the section on Aphrodite is very clear on Her purpose and Divinity.

"Aphrodite's sphere of activity is immediately and sensibly apparent; the joyous consummation of sexuality" (Burkert, 152).

Notice he says, "joyous," not fearful or resentful. There was a time in human history when sex was a way to connect with the Divine, instead of something to be thought of as lowly, impure, or sinful. It didn't keep us from Deity, it brought them to us. And it sometimes seems that the more and more ancient culture and philosophy progressed, the more the Gods were viewed and understood as Bringers of good things, and not Beings to make you fear your humanity or the world. As it was said, I believe by the philosopher Sallustius, The Gods are always good, and never harmful. We would therefore be led to believe that something which is the contrary has not been sent by the Gods.

This progression in theology, and the various ways to connect with the Gods was, of course, interrupted by the Christian take over, and early Christians sometimes used their own interpretation to revise ancient perceptions and beliefs, and when they did this, it was not a flattering view. If there was one thing they hated more than the Pagans, it was sexual freedom exercised by a woman, and Aphrodite, being a sexually strong and independent female Divinity, would have no doubt gotten the worst end of male dominated, Christian supremacist wrath.

Of course, it would be highly dishonest to act as though all ancient Greek men were trusting of women. It would also be dishonest to suggest that every Greek culture was sexually identical, when women in Sparta held more power than women in Athens. And there has never been, in the world's history, a society of matriarchy, and no one's denying that. But I think that, as human beings, no matter our gender, we sometimes fear those of the opposite. Men have feared women because they worry about seduction, temptation, or manipulation, and women have feared men because they worry about misogyny in its many forms. This has sometimes led us to demonize one another, but I think that if we come to terms with the fact that male and female are both blessed beings, we will lose the grip of fear and distrust on our minds.

In the Goodness of the Gods,

Chris Aldridge.

Work Cited: Burkert, Walter, Greek Religion, Harvard University Press, Cambridge, Massachusetts. 1985.